I don’t know why lass, but this has been the worst week so far.  You’d be utterly embarrassed at the state I’ve been in.

Mind you, it’s still only been three and a half months which is nothing after 27 years together.  And every day there’s some wee thing that sets me off.  The casual aside, the way you would reach out, the shorthand, the in jokes, all the things we shared.  Everything.

I know I promised you but I don’t see how I can possibly keep to them.  Not when it feels this bad.  Now’s the time I really regret giving all your morphine back to the chemist.  There really is no point.  It’s existence, not living.  How could it be when you were my whole life.  I know it will mean disappointing you once again but you’re used to that.  Hopefully, soon, my dear.  Fingers crossed.  As a misguided God botherer once said;

“I want to fly into the sky / And turn my back on this whole world and leave it all behind / This place is not my home, it’s got nothing for me / Only leaves me with emptiness and tears in my eyes”