It was a dark and stormy morning.  As it should be as today was the day I had to register the death of my Lindy and arrange her funeral.

IMG_20170811_104713_1It was no surprise then when the registrars office turned out to be an utter shithole.  Well it is run by the City of Edinburgh Council. So no surprises there.  With the usual warmth and courtesy of a council official the assistant registrar never even bothered to introduce himself or even express condolences.

The last time I was there was over 25 years ago when Mrs H and I went to register our marriage.  And I don’t think it had been cleaned or tidied since.  It certainly looked as though someone had crapped the eighties all over it.  Bearing in mind there are only two reasons to go there – happy ones (birth/wedding) and sad ones (death).  The least they could do is spring a minimum wage for someone with a black bag and a hoover.

IMG_20170811_104653On the plus side I was in such a foul mood that I actually went into a caff for an all day breakfast – the first meal I’d eaten in 3 months.  It was alright even if it’s the first all day breakfast I’ve failed to finish.  But that’s one less thing for Linda to moan at me from on high.

Then it was off to the store to arrange the funeral.  Old habits, see.  My family always went to the store for a funeral because that way you got the divi added on.  And it was a nice wee bonus come divi day if you’d had a good few deaths that year.* (*the preceding paragraph will only make sense to Scotch folk of a certain age).

At least the woman there was matter of fact and professional, something the council staff might want to consider sometime soon.  The funeral was sorted within 20 minutes as Linda had given me quite specific instructions when she was still able to.  Private, cremation, a light wood coffin, bright yellow flowers (but not sunflowers as she hates them). She just wants me there as she arrives to ‘Run’ by Leona Lewis, then a few minutes contemplation before she departs to ‘Bring Me Sunshine’ by Willie Nelson, two songs I’ll never be able to listen to again after the day.

Here she is a girl of 16 and as a young woman.  She hated the thought of her picture being on the internet but her was a rare beauty.

Donations to St. Columba’s Hospice in her name can be made here.